Well Ghana my love, it is not that I don’t adore you. Please do not take it personally but we can all change for the better. Maybe I am cranky for lack of a glass of cold skim milk which you do not seem to stock on your grocery store shelves but I must air out the dirty laundry of this relationship.
1. Drivers: You Drivers are well, frankly, scary at best and deadly at worst. Pedestrians and bicyclers must exercise constant vigilance to avoid an abrupt meeting with a curb as your drivers have no respect for anyone but themselves.
2. Deferred Maintenance: Your concept of Deferred Maintenance also grates on me. I know you are not rich but now that you are a middle income country, there is a lot of stuff that should be fixed. It will save you a bunch of money on your car insurance at the very least.
3. Internet: My love, your Internet tubes should be updated. I know this also costs a ton of cedis but I think you are mature enough to do it yourself.
4. Tro-tros: If your Drivers are scary and at times deadly, your Tro-Tros are far worse. Combined Deferred Maintenance with a lack of respect for anything or anyone on the road, as well as a need for speed, you should begin dictating your tro-tros as you do to me so well in this relationship.
5. Network Fail: Vodaphone may be a British company but dear Ghana, they operate in your country. When I try to call you or even anyone, Network Fail flashes on my cell phone screen indicating the obvious that needs fixing.
6. Hot water: I am sick of cold showers with you.
7. Honking: Please try to control yourself. I know traffic is frustrating but honking your horn does not make vehicles go faster. Nor does it attract more riders at six in the morning when you honk your loud Metro Mass bus honk and awaken your significant other from a deep sleep.
8. English Breakfast: While the British left some good things as part of their colonial legacy, your English breakfasts complete with beans leave a rather lot to be desired. Would you mind going to a French cooking school?
9. Visa ATMs: Of all payment system providers, you had to pick Visa. You know how much I hate Visa, how incompatible my Mastercard is with that choice but you chose them anyway. Next time, it is me or Visa!
10. ISH I internet Café: While you are cursed with a creaky Internet, at the very least my love, you could spend something on your cafés. But glacial speeds, log ins that don’t work, and the total lack of a customer service culture in your Café employees does our relationship no favors.
That being said, I must issue an ultimatum. If you do not fix any of these things in our relationship, I will terminate our relationship on May 29th, flying back into my beloved Ruth’s arms.
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